#15 Utdrag ur stoffet till en novell, skrivet någon gång 2009.
Det var inte längre vidkommande vad hon sade, orden svällde ur hennes munkabin med ett vattenfalls fart och en Guds vrede. Händerna svängde på ett harmoniskt vis i väl utstuderade rörelser, i hopp om att gestikulera fram den sinnesstämning som nu så oböjligt bedårat henne och omöjliggjort all form av rationalitet, men det enda som denna hennes händers dans erinrade om var ett samtalets dirigerande. "Fortissimo!", skrek hennes fingrar och armbågarna instämde med sina, ur ilska frambringade, krampryckningar. Det var inte längre fråga om att åhöra, åskådandet hade överhanden i detta vackra, teatraliska gästspel av kvinnlig ilska.
- Med ord skall jag besvärja dig och inta din själ, du kommer älska mig föralltid, det vet jag mycket väl, tänkte han och vände blicken mot det smutsiga fönstret till höger om den kvinnan han hade bragt till förtvivlan.
- Med ord skall jag besvärja dig och inta din själ, du kommer älska mig föralltid, det vet jag mycket väl, tänkte han och vände blicken mot det smutsiga fönstret till höger om den kvinnan han hade bragt till förtvivlan.
#14 Brand spankin' new, well, sort of.
Rest assured; I'm happier now. ♣
(The aftermath of buying a new record player.)
(The aftermath of buying a new record player.)
#13 Плоче & Цигаре
#12 Kinship in the king's ship
# 11 Matandet av en litterär lidelse.
# 10 Mistakes, mistakes, they raise the stakes.
Adem Čvorak is his name, no, was his name, but I like to call him the chicken shit, the family deserter, the childhood thief, the deranged old man, although at times I'm forced to use adequate terminology and call him grandpa.
You see, he left my dad and his sister to live a life of poverty, alone with grandma, but before he left he made sure that all the future memories of their childhood would be bad ones, infected with hate and stitched togheter with the severing feeling of abandonment as the thread.
My family always blamed him for being a man-whore and a gutless fool, nowadays we pay him a visit once each year, he's after all old and near the brink of death, even though he lacked the trait of humanity it would be self-demeaning for me and my family to consciously punish him with the thousand year old method of eye for an eye, in the end; kindness towards those that have outraged you can have a far greater effect than any other means of revenge.
Even though my grandpa truly loves me, as I'm the firstborn man of my entire family, I'll never forgive him for the malevolent acts he's put my true family, my genuine relatives and first and foremost my dear old granny, through.
Two years ago when we visited him and his current wife, I couldn't restrain myself, I had to embark upon the staircase that leads to the second floor, which is lawfully owned by my grandmother even though she probably won't set her foot there ever again, ironically the only way would be to pass over my grandpa's dead body.
This sudden urge to explore this restricted area drove my feet further and further along the creaky staircase, and when I passed through the door, leading into the four-roomed flat, it was as if I could recall all the memories associated with each and every cobweb entangled piece of furniture.
Why am I telling you this? Well you see, as much as it pains me, when I saw my grandmothers flat, exactly the same as it had been left by her, frozen in time, I couldn't withhold my anger.
I imagined all those days her gentle hands had crafted parts of this house, the days of hard labour and drudgery when my own dad had mustered the strength to assist with the construction of the house, I saw the sweat and the tears, I felt the happiness of living in what you've created yourself, and I got shot down by the agony of having it all unrighteously taken away.
My revenge acted out in a civilized manner, I opened the creaky tallboy where my grandmother's books were lying still, covered in spider's web, it didn't matter that my grandfather would get upset, I began skimming through the books, evaluating what I could steal, or to be frank, retrieve what rightfully wasn't my grandpa's.
I picked out a couple of books, as I opened the first page of one of them I saw my grandma's handwriting, my teeth began to shake unknowingly and I embodied the sorrow of the war that my family had fled from, tears began to crowd my eyes and I had to sit down in the old armchair, otherwise I'd have fallen hopelessly to the floor.
To this day I glance at my own bookshelf, where I've put the three stolen books, and I calmly observe them, I smile and think of the loving old lady;
"Don't worry grandma, your books are safe with me now."
You see, he left my dad and his sister to live a life of poverty, alone with grandma, but before he left he made sure that all the future memories of their childhood would be bad ones, infected with hate and stitched togheter with the severing feeling of abandonment as the thread.
My family always blamed him for being a man-whore and a gutless fool, nowadays we pay him a visit once each year, he's after all old and near the brink of death, even though he lacked the trait of humanity it would be self-demeaning for me and my family to consciously punish him with the thousand year old method of eye for an eye, in the end; kindness towards those that have outraged you can have a far greater effect than any other means of revenge.
Even though my grandpa truly loves me, as I'm the firstborn man of my entire family, I'll never forgive him for the malevolent acts he's put my true family, my genuine relatives and first and foremost my dear old granny, through.
Two years ago when we visited him and his current wife, I couldn't restrain myself, I had to embark upon the staircase that leads to the second floor, which is lawfully owned by my grandmother even though she probably won't set her foot there ever again, ironically the only way would be to pass over my grandpa's dead body.
This sudden urge to explore this restricted area drove my feet further and further along the creaky staircase, and when I passed through the door, leading into the four-roomed flat, it was as if I could recall all the memories associated with each and every cobweb entangled piece of furniture.
Why am I telling you this? Well you see, as much as it pains me, when I saw my grandmothers flat, exactly the same as it had been left by her, frozen in time, I couldn't withhold my anger.
I imagined all those days her gentle hands had crafted parts of this house, the days of hard labour and drudgery when my own dad had mustered the strength to assist with the construction of the house, I saw the sweat and the tears, I felt the happiness of living in what you've created yourself, and I got shot down by the agony of having it all unrighteously taken away.
My revenge acted out in a civilized manner, I opened the creaky tallboy where my grandmother's books were lying still, covered in spider's web, it didn't matter that my grandfather would get upset, I began skimming through the books, evaluating what I could steal, or to be frank, retrieve what rightfully wasn't my grandpa's.
I picked out a couple of books, as I opened the first page of one of them I saw my grandma's handwriting, my teeth began to shake unknowingly and I embodied the sorrow of the war that my family had fled from, tears began to crowd my eyes and I had to sit down in the old armchair, otherwise I'd have fallen hopelessly to the floor.
To this day I glance at my own bookshelf, where I've put the three stolen books, and I calmly observe them, I smile and think of the loving old lady;
"Don't worry grandma, your books are safe with me now."
# 9 The Latest Disgrace & Sacrilegious Semen Stains
# 1, 2, 6, 14: Steven Soderbergh's "Kafka" (1991)
# 3, 7, 12, 13: Jean-Luc Godard's "Weekend" (1967)
# 4, 6, 10, 11, 16: Portishead; Dummy
# 8, 9, 15: The Velvet Underground; (Self-Titled) The Velvet Underground
# 17: The Science of Dario; Something Silly
# 18: CocoRosie - Promise Live
# 3, 7, 12, 13: Jean-Luc Godard's "Weekend" (1967)
# 4, 6, 10, 11, 16: Portishead; Dummy
# 8, 9, 15: The Velvet Underground; (Self-Titled) The Velvet Underground
# 17: The Science of Dario; Something Silly
# 18: CocoRosie - Promise Live
# 8 Како лепо лажеш, лјубави & Нема више сунца, нема висе месеца.
# 1, 4, 8: Part's of my.. ah.. uh.
# 2, 3, 5, 12, 13, 14: "Cocorosie; La maison de mon rêve" & "Cocorosie; The Adventures of Ghosthorse and stillborn"
# 9, 10, 6: "Radiohead; OK Computer"
# 11: "Anton Tjechov; Mitt liv"
# 7 Byproduct of boredom.
# 2, 3, 5, 12, 13, 14: "Cocorosie; La maison de mon rêve" & "Cocorosie; The Adventures of Ghosthorse and stillborn"
# 9, 10, 6: "Radiohead; OK Computer"
# 11: "Anton Tjechov; Mitt liv"
# 7 Byproduct of boredom.
# 7 The Bookworm operates regardless of the rain
These are dark times, quality literature has been eclipsed by light crime-novels and petty detective stories, the reading itself has been antiquated, brushed aside by other means of amusement. Good books are collecting dust inside of mausoleums, resting calmly in their graves.
I'm a graverobber, as I step into these mausoleums I wish to dance with the corpses, thieve from them their knowledge, strip them of their clothes and with my hungry eyes bear witness to the dance of these works of passion.
I'm a graverobber, as I step into these mausoleums I wish to dance with the corpses, thieve from them their knowledge, strip them of their clothes and with my hungry eyes bear witness to the dance of these works of passion.
# 6 Byproducts of boredom & Scribblings during school
# 5 The Old Fart at play & Miscellaneous mischief
All The Pretty Little Horses. (Press to make your computer sing.)
#1, 5, 7, 10: Yearbook's 1961-1962
#2, 4, 8: "Une femme est une femme"
#3: The lonely library of a lonesome leper.
#6: "The Peel Sessions; Joy Division", "Bande originale de la comedie musicale ANNA; Avec Anna Karina, Jean-Claude Brialy et Serge Gainsbourg"
#1, 5, 7, 10: Yearbook's 1961-1962
#2, 4, 8: "Une femme est une femme"
#3: The lonely library of a lonesome leper.
#6: "The Peel Sessions; Joy Division", "Bande originale de la comedie musicale ANNA; Avec Anna Karina, Jean-Claude Brialy et Serge Gainsbourg"
4# The year was 1958; Just as bat-shit crazy then, as now.
#3 Full moon, hot sun, son.
#1, 3, 4: "The young person's guide to King Crimson"
#2, 5, 7: "Knife in the water"
#6: Dirty drawings & the deranged.
#2, 5, 7: "Knife in the water"
#6: Dirty drawings & the deranged.
#2 F. Kafka; "Meditation", Vitalis 2007, BIBLIOTHECA BOHEMICA
Book bought in the hometown, Prague, of the author, F. Kafka, during my visit in 2008. Illustrations by Karel Hruska.
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
Duck and cover children, here comes the atomic bomb.!
#1 Clown-crazed ‘n’ Somewhat Crippled Naive, blonde love-tug
I wish to die inside of you, and push up into your heart so violently. (Press to make your computer sing.)
#1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 12: "Pierrot le fou"
#2 Слобода.
#3, 7: "Cul-de-sac"
#6 Joy Division; Russell Club June 13;1979 Manchester
#8 Cinemateket.
#11 Czech, crystal glass of Grant's & Luckie's: "Пушенје убија. Дувански дим штети лјудима у вашој околини."
#13 Joy Division; House of Dolls, A collection of rare and unreleased tracks (A man was caught bootleggin’)
#14 Good Ol’ Bets is still playing records, chosen by the shaky hand daemon.